Early Retirement Extreme Forums

One thing that strikes me is your mention of "raising" your husband. Often the way you think about something becomes the reality of that thing. Ouch, I appreciate your input and agree with what you said in some instances. My awareness of my spouse’s emotional immaturity does not create hi...

Kudos on completing a successful year of teaching! It sounds like a good fit and that you’re at a contented place in your life. I assume you’ll have the summer term off. What adventures do you have planned?

As you point out, context is everything. It sounds like Eastern European cultural norms have shifted dramatically in a short time (even more so perhaps than the US) in the past 20 years. The past expectations sounded clear cut: 1) Women take care of kids, not men. 2) Parent and children roles never...

Thanks, I appreciate the reframe of abandonment. I will not have any regrets as I have done what I scan. My six-month counseling (abusive relationship focus, 1 double session per week) was on getting myself deprogrammed. That was effective and now it’s the action part. Your take on the situation do...

Keeping some tracks… @ertyu Thanks for the questions. I love questions. Am I trying to avoid divorce as a way to transform a bad marriage? Uh, no. Do I believe that by changing what I do, I can control what my spouse does? No. It could be a side effect though,nothing to count on. What’s going on? I ...

Bummer, rejection is not fun. Figuring out next steps can be a challenge even when one has advanced warning. In addition to AH’s questions, consider whether there was a communication issue from the start and/or in an ongoing manner. Were expectations clear and consistent? Was there feedback and oppo...

First, hugs, @Chenda! Scrambling to meet the needs of your parents whose conditions will continue to decline, the reality that their large home/cash position will most likely be depleted, and trying to make sense of the available options sounds is a really hard situation. Yes it would be the same ca...

Congrats on your interview! Remember that you are also interviewing them to see if they are a good fit for you. Most universities are siloed, so culture will vary from department to department. Do you have additional contacts beside your mom to research the players? Ideally, you could speak to the p...

A person with ALS or MS is not actively and intentionally sabotaging you. A person with an emotional condition could be. If they are, they're probably not worth it. Hair-splitting: ALS and MS both can manifest with anxiety and depression. Self-sabotage can also be part of both mental health conditi...

Long way of saying, drop the rope. That doesn’t have to mean divorce. It just means giving yourself the freedom to accept that you are not responsible for him and his choices and that it’s okay for you to live the life that you want to live. I agree that everyone deserves “to be with someone who wa...

In April, while in the Yucatán, I was able to forage both Chaya and moringa. The former I prepared in a silog and then with scrambled eggs. The latter I tried two ways. The dried beans, while a delightful nutty-coffee flavor, upset my stomach. The tender moringa pods, cut and steamed, were similar t...

Hm, @Gin+Juice, FIRE Dating seems like a broad category. Being able to save money, invest, retire, and do some spreadsheets seems like low hanging fruit. Is there some mechanism to screen people out? OTOH you effectively did that by being honest and suggested a topic that may have been a shared inte...

Enjoy the time with your dad, followed by a summer season at the hideout! I find with my mom, each time seems like it could be our last goodbye or a future distant memory after more intensive caregiving becomes reality. It is a strange juxtaposition.

… a thought experiment... what does it look like for you to leave? …is there a middle ground? Yes, there are many middle points between stay and go, not just split-the-difference. I like the idea of combining a thought experiment with actually trying different things. An adult partner is responsibl...

I have no real advice, just virtual hugs. The good thing about your situation is that with someone without much initiative (DH) you can try out ideas at relatively low risk. Thanks, this reframe could work for me in the interim. He told me to use our place as a homebase while I figure out how to “g...

Henry wrote: ↑

Wed May 22, 2024 11:13 am

So Frita, how does this make you feel?

I feel confused, a secondary emotion compromising of sadness/anger/surprise/disgust with numerous thoughts condensed to, “After 30+ years you only now realize you’d prefer to be a permanent-bachelor?!”

If he hasn't made an appointment with a lawyer and there is no third-party involvement, then in typical man-speak this translates to "Waaaaaah." Oh, I guess I don’t know much about how this works. My expression has been that he wants me to take action so he can still be the good guy whose...

I'm curious to hear more of your story. A lot of us have found that life isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but helps to hear what others are experiencing. Truth, life is a mixed bag for everyone. If it takes an average of 500 entries for people to become FI, it will be interesting to see where I lan...

Retiring into idle isolation is curious but I've seen it happen to regular retirees too. Idle isolation (great term) as a retirement lifestyle at any age does seem strange. Even buying into a retirement community resort, while not for me, makes more sense. Of the people you’ve seen afflicted, what ...

Yeah dude sounds depressed af. Not on you to undepress him, though, one im not sure that's possible, and two im not sure from what you said that that's what he wants. You say you don't believe in divorce, but I get the sense that even though a part of you is holding on, a part of you is ready to le...